Anger Management

It's really interesting what anger can do for U. It can destroy ppl, start wars, destroy things... but if used correctly, it can boost performance, make U do things U never thought possible, & in some cases, turn U to the dark side & become a certain Emperor's apprentice...

Take yesterday for example. I'd planned to do a long run (not tht long la, 10K only). But by 4.30 pm I was feeling really tired.. maybe tired from the tough workout in the gym the day before. So tired that I closed the door to my room & took a nap. When I woke up about half hour later, I ate some snacks while considering my options for the day... do I go out & run or just go home ? Or do I still go out (since the weather was okay) & just do an easy run ?

Then something happened. I did something I shouldn't have done, at about 5:30pm, & as a result, it triggered my anger switch. I was just so upset by that, it actually helped me decide.

So I went out late, about 6.00 & did 3 laps instead of 2, finished the 10.32K suffering like a sick, angry dog. I haven't done any run longer than 7K for the past 3 weeks or so. Fueled by my rage, the 10K felt like a blur to me.

I kept replaying scenes from Star Wars.... all six of them, in my mind. How Anakin went from being a good boy to a Jedi apprentice, to a Sith Lord just becoz he was angry. Yoda told him,"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." (Attack of The Clones). I guess he was right after all. Do not live with hatred in Ur heart. U'll suffer silently. I feel Ur anger.. release Ur anger.. & take Ur place by my side (Return of the Jedi).

It wasn't the first time I used my anger to fuel an out-of-this-world performance, but this is a very rare occasion. It's also quite rare for me to get this angry about something, despite my character & what ppl perceive me to be. I dun get angry easily.

But the thing is, I wouldn't wanna get that angry about something. Anyway, the good thing is that my feeling is clear about certain things now. I know what to do, or rather, what I should've done much earlier.

I'm ok now. I guess.

Winning...

I wonder if winning a small event, with less than an average quality field, takes away the satisfaction of winning ? How does one compare ? Winning a small event with only 11 ppl competing, by a margin of more than 10 mins, or getting a 100th placing in a field of 3000+, or setting a PR in a rain-soaked half marathon ?

Well, I guess a win is a win. I did all I could so that my victory wouldn't look like a 3rd grade victory. I made sure I got a huge victory margin, made sure my average pace was of a high standard, etc.

A win is a win.

Livestrong.

Dealing with disappointment

I hate to lose. To make it even worse, I really, really hate it when I knew I can do better. I think to be a great athlete, that hating to lose mentality must be embedded in Ur brains & heart. & to be an even greater athlete, U need to learn to deal with disappointment & U need to have that desire to comeback stronger next time.

This year.. to be more precise, yesterday, was my first time competing in a field event in PSKK. & this was my first time competing in the javelin event, after soooo many years. To take the positives out of this, well, it was my 1st time & some of the competitors are seasoned veterans. The defending champion was also there. The field was 18 strong.. & at least I made it to the final round.

So, what went wrong ? Abg Nik, one of the seasoned veterans in field events, told me that my run-up was fast but I slowed down just before the release. My shuffle step was slow & my momentum sorta died just before the release. He said that I'm capable of throwing father than 40m. The coach from BNM also said the same thing.

So what went wrong ? After my final throw of a pathetic 27m, I sat down & wondered what have I done wrong. Long after the event I was all by myself, still wondering what did I do wrong ? I was hoping to at least better my winning mark at PSP of 35+m. Not even close. In the final round I fouled 2 outta 3 throws & the last throw was really pathetic.

I conclude that I was being too careful. My inexperience showed & I was being too careful in the run up. I didn't keep my focus on the field. Instead I was too busy worrying about where the foul line was. Becoz I had a big run up, I had to have the confidence to make the final release before I get to the foul line. & I took too many shuffle steps, slowing me down dramatically.

So, how do I move on from here ? Next year I'm coming back stronger. I'ma find a coach to train with 2-3 months before the event. I know I'm capable of much more than this. I'ma get myself my own personal javelin. I'ma find myself a coach. & I'ma throw a 50m throw next year. That's my target. I dun wanna suffer the humiliation of losing again next year. I wanna dominate this event. I wanna make this event in PSKK my own for years to come.

I really hate losing.

Livestrong.

Champion at last !!!

My calf injury proved to be a blessing in disguise. I knew I couldn't be competitive if I'd entered both the mile & 10K events during the last PSP. Being as tenacious as ever, I still tried to run on the eve of the opening ceremony of PSP on the 25th. At first I felt fine, my calf felt fine & I did an easy 5 laps on my Mizuno Wave Aero. I decided not to use the Newtons, becoz I feared that it would worsen my injury. After that 5 laps, I decided that it was time to put on the spikes & after that everything went downhill again. So I knew it was over for me.

As big a bummer as it was, I still remain faithful on the javelin event. I'd no idea on how I would do in that event, the last (& first) time I threw the javelin was when I was 14. I got second that day. & to make matters worse, I didn't get to train at all before the actual event. Luckily there was this thing called YOUTUBE. I searched for javelin videos & there was tons of them. So when I did my warmups, I looked like a season thrower edi.

I got to the venue about 2 hours before the scheduled start. It was very hot. But being a pro-wannabe, I put on my warmups & proceeded to the track to do a thorough warm up, just as I'd seen in the videos. So, when it was time to start, I got to the line soaking wet. We got to throw one warm up throw, so everybody was anxious to see me throw. I had the longest run-up & my technique was ... well.. I was actually the only one with the proper throwing technique. The rest just relied on pure brute strength. Last year's winner was also there. & I drew the first blood, my first throw was well over 30m.. still short by javelin standards.. but I was ahead of everybody.

I held the pole position well into the 2nd round.. & during the 4th throw I got well beyond 35m but it was a foul throw. & during the 4th throw the guy from AG actually managed to throw farther than me. But I took a slim lead during the 5th throw. & during my final throw I sealed it with a 35m throw. Actually, I didn't even have to take the last throw, it was in the bag edi. But, I wanted to see how far I can go.

It was my technique. I might not be as strong as the other guys. But with the correct technique, I didn't have to use that much strength. & I'm confident, with more training, I could go well beyond 40m during PSKK. One of the officials came to me during the event & complimented me on my technique. I was pleased to know that the officials actually took note of my throwing the javelin. I've to work on my technique though.

So, at last, I won one individual event in the PSP. Alhamdulillah... In fact, I was the only other winner during the athletics event, the other one being my friend Hisham from eP. He won the high hurdles. I'm really looking forward to the PSKK. I'd learned that last year's winner threw a 45m throw... I think that's within my reach. If I could win in PSKK, javelin would be my discipline of choice for athletics...

Livestrong.