Anger Management

It's really interesting what anger can do for U. It can destroy ppl, start wars, destroy things... but if used correctly, it can boost performance, make U do things U never thought possible, & in some cases, turn U to the dark side & become a certain Emperor's apprentice...

Take yesterday for example. I'd planned to do a long run (not tht long la, 10K only). But by 4.30 pm I was feeling really tired.. maybe tired from the tough workout in the gym the day before. So tired that I closed the door to my room & took a nap. When I woke up about half hour later, I ate some snacks while considering my options for the day... do I go out & run or just go home ? Or do I still go out (since the weather was okay) & just do an easy run ?

Then something happened. I did something I shouldn't have done, at about 5:30pm, & as a result, it triggered my anger switch. I was just so upset by that, it actually helped me decide.

So I went out late, about 6.00 & did 3 laps instead of 2, finished the 10.32K suffering like a sick, angry dog. I haven't done any run longer than 7K for the past 3 weeks or so. Fueled by my rage, the 10K felt like a blur to me.

I kept replaying scenes from Star Wars.... all six of them, in my mind. How Anakin went from being a good boy to a Jedi apprentice, to a Sith Lord just becoz he was angry. Yoda told him,"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." (Attack of The Clones). I guess he was right after all. Do not live with hatred in Ur heart. U'll suffer silently. I feel Ur anger.. release Ur anger.. & take Ur place by my side (Return of the Jedi).

It wasn't the first time I used my anger to fuel an out-of-this-world performance, but this is a very rare occasion. It's also quite rare for me to get this angry about something, despite my character & what ppl perceive me to be. I dun get angry easily.

But the thing is, I wouldn't wanna get that angry about something. Anyway, the good thing is that my feeling is clear about certain things now. I know what to do, or rather, what I should've done much earlier.

I'm ok now. I guess.

Winning...

I wonder if winning a small event, with less than an average quality field, takes away the satisfaction of winning ? How does one compare ? Winning a small event with only 11 ppl competing, by a margin of more than 10 mins, or getting a 100th placing in a field of 3000+, or setting a PR in a rain-soaked half marathon ?

Well, I guess a win is a win. I did all I could so that my victory wouldn't look like a 3rd grade victory. I made sure I got a huge victory margin, made sure my average pace was of a high standard, etc.

A win is a win.

Livestrong.