Dealing with disappointment

I hate to lose. To make it even worse, I really, really hate it when I knew I can do better. I think to be a great athlete, that hating to lose mentality must be embedded in Ur brains & heart. & to be an even greater athlete, U need to learn to deal with disappointment & U need to have that desire to comeback stronger next time.

This year.. to be more precise, yesterday, was my first time competing in a field event in PSKK. & this was my first time competing in the javelin event, after soooo many years. To take the positives out of this, well, it was my 1st time & some of the competitors are seasoned veterans. The defending champion was also there. The field was 18 strong.. & at least I made it to the final round.

So, what went wrong ? Abg Nik, one of the seasoned veterans in field events, told me that my run-up was fast but I slowed down just before the release. My shuffle step was slow & my momentum sorta died just before the release. He said that I'm capable of throwing father than 40m. The coach from BNM also said the same thing.

So what went wrong ? After my final throw of a pathetic 27m, I sat down & wondered what have I done wrong. Long after the event I was all by myself, still wondering what did I do wrong ? I was hoping to at least better my winning mark at PSP of 35+m. Not even close. In the final round I fouled 2 outta 3 throws & the last throw was really pathetic.

I conclude that I was being too careful. My inexperience showed & I was being too careful in the run up. I didn't keep my focus on the field. Instead I was too busy worrying about where the foul line was. Becoz I had a big run up, I had to have the confidence to make the final release before I get to the foul line. & I took too many shuffle steps, slowing me down dramatically.

So, how do I move on from here ? Next year I'm coming back stronger. I'ma find a coach to train with 2-3 months before the event. I know I'm capable of much more than this. I'ma get myself my own personal javelin. I'ma find myself a coach. & I'ma throw a 50m throw next year. That's my target. I dun wanna suffer the humiliation of losing again next year. I wanna dominate this event. I wanna make this event in PSKK my own for years to come.

I really hate losing.

Livestrong.